In response to a question on Christian Writers-Group ‘The Writers View 2′:
What about your journey? Your expectations? Is the writing life what you thought it would be? What are the negatives and positives for you? How is the writing life what–or different than–you expected?

A question of a journey barely begun.

I may not have begun ‘the writing life’ but life has been preparing me as a writer. Life does that! God revels in it, I suspect… preparation.

A year or three ago when this long-lingering rumour of a writer began to gather some weight, I was all expectations and dreams, wishful thinking and wanna-be. Now, I realise, I need to just relax, and simply be me. The writer is in there, just beginning. The communicator has been developing for many years, and the poet is, of late, a little lost in the mix.

I’ve been writing poetry since I was 15 (give or take some silly cute verse a few years earlier; green frogs and girls, what a combination!) and that is a gift I can only be thankful of; one of those abilities that prompts the questions ‘how do you do it?’ and I simply shrug and say – ‘I don’t know, I just… write’. As a favourite songwriter sings – ‘When I was younger, I would write a bad song every day’ – and I’ve known many of those days, but I have enjoyed seeing the improvement in the craft over the years too. Sometimes, the words just appear on the page and you end up grinning and scratching your head, wondering where on earth they came from! (Of course, we all know where, or who, they’re from…)

As for ‘being a writer’ – What has become of my expectations of ministry, and non-fiction books, and sharing my thoughts and (dare I suggest?!) God-given revelations to the world? Well, as I said – I can simply be me. The paid career is still engineering, soils, data, bridges and tunnels, but my character and spirit are being shaped day by day; God knows my future. My expectations are relaxing, I am less concerned about what I ‘see happening’ and trying to stay aware that if I have faith in what I cannot see, I know I will be better off.

Right now I need to be a husband, a new father, a worship leader, a friend, and, unfortunately, an employee (as I also get to be a mortgage ‘owner’!) Yes, there will be work to be done to move into ‘the writing (teaching/ministering) life’, but as my family and I are about to move across the planet from England to our New Zealand home, I have enough to deal with right now. Perhaps over the next year, opportunity will present itself, but for now, all I can be is me. Take the chances God gives to share who He is and what He has done, perhaps through who I am, and what He has shown me… and simply be His.

He knows what He is doing.

The God of all the universe

bigger than eternity

reduced Himself

humbled Himself

smaller than one galaxy

smaller than one planet

smaller than a city

smaller than the greatest man

to a tiny fragile body

in a feeding trough

in a stable

for us.

through ultimate humility

the ultimate gift

(9/12/99)

I have a container
to keep things I collect
sometimes randomly
often deliberately
and at times
someone else puts things there
and I have to decide whether to keep them
or reach in
and throw them away

I have a container
which seems to never run out of space
though sometimes it runs out of grace
for some of the things I put in it
damage it
and I get a little too protective

Still I seem to collect all sorts of things
from here and there
which always seem special amidst the moment
and some of them
get more wonderful with time
and the most precious things
are the ones that I want to share
so I look in, and reach out,
and place them elsewhere

it’s strange though
when I give things away
it never feels any emptier

the more wonderful things I get to put in my container
the more I want to open it up
the more I want to let other people into it as well
to add their own colour, their own experiences
and they leave behind some special things especially for me
and I will happily carry them
for life

it’s at once so real
and such a mystery
at once so whole
yet at times broken

this container
shaped like a heart
open
(c) Kent Langdon 2003

A friend sent me a few questions about ‘Hearing from God’ and I thought I would have a go. This is the reply I sent him…

The thing about questions is they generally work best when answered. Sometimes, however, that answer (or perhaps lack of…) isn’t what we expect. Then what?

1. How do you hear from God?

The easy and obvious first comment is ‘through scripture’. Of course, when we read our Bible, we learn, we discover, and God ‘lifts stuff off the page’. But I think what we really want to know here is – how does God speak to us beyond that? In our ‘every day’? (Mental note, our perfect God will never contradict Himself; so if you think you’re hearing from God and it goes against scripture, think again!)

I’m sure God speaks to me a lot, but much of the time His communication goes unrecognised. Fortunately, graciously, God has used certain specific methods to let me know He is speaking. That way I am more likely to realise it’s Him, not just me. And the reality is, by ‘not just me’ I mean ‘as well as me’ – we can never really remove ourselves from the picture. That’s the beauty of it; we’re always a part of the conversation; God works in and through us (and thankfully, sometimes despite us!) This means, though, that the ability to hear is very closely linked with our ability to quieten down our own voices, our own agenda, and listen. I was going to say ‘stop, and listen’ – but I don’t think that’s always the case; He walks with us on the road, as well as in our ‘quiet places’… So then, as we walk the road, He’ll speak into thoughts, into our imagination. It’s learning to recognise when that thought, that idea in our brain, in our imagination, is from God.

It’s a funny phrase, ‘from God’. Just as I am writing this I am wondering whether that statement is the best one to use. What makes our thought ‘from God’? I think sometimes the thought can be wholly our own, but God then breathes life into it, He shines His light on it and says ‘yes, my thoughts exactly!’ I think I like that idea more – us becoming like Christ may mean that in time, our thoughts and ideas are ‘from God’ and yet, completely us. At the other end of the spectrum of course is the pictures, the ideas which pop into our head ‘from nowhere’ – and they’re seeds planted directly by God’s Spirit in us – giving us the words… Both are real, and God works in many ways. Isn’t that great, though, that He’s always working in us? (Phil 2:13).

So. As I was saying, the trick is the recognition. And that’s where the repetitive nature of some of the ways God speaks is really helpful. The more obvious ones for me are the physical ones, a thought/phrase/idea will pop into my head, or someone will say something and then immediately my heart will begin to race – that will get my attention. Another way I know God is ‘with me’ is when I get what I call ‘the shakes’ in my legs; when this happens I make a point to be ‘in tune’ – listening, and generally just soaking up the ‘vibe’!

Expectation is a big factor, too. This is built on faith, which often follows experience. When we’ve heard from God before, and we desire Him, we seek Him, there is an expectation that He will speak. So there are times where I won’t feel anything physical, but I will pray, and speak, and trust that God will use my words, my imagination. This will more-often-than-not be in a way that doesn’t feel any different from my usual thought or communication processes. It’s then up to God to ‘highlight’ or ‘awaken’ those words in the mind and heart of the person listening… I suspect this happens a lot more than we realise! Sometimes, after you’ve said something, prayed something, you have a real peace, and some kind of internal ‘yes’ which makes you feel ‘God has walked into the room’.

Another way God speaks to me is through physical things I see in front of me: I often pray for someone with my eyes open, and I will ‘notice’ something – it might be something as simple as a watch, or a shoe or anything – but then God will ‘expand the metaphor’. The idea, a property, a trait – of an object – and God will start to unfold something for the person I’m praying for. I remember, for example, seeing a diving watch and encouraging someone that God was going to increase in them the ability to handle pressure. At times it is only once I start praying around this thing, I step out a little and ‘go with it’ as it were, that the ‘real stuff’ God wants to say begins to come through. And then my faith grows, and the person being prayed for is greatly encouraged by my little steps of obedience (and taking a risk on ‘my own imagination’).

It may be interesting to note that this ‘expanding the metaphor’ is also a ‘craft or gift’ that God has developed in my every-day life – as someone who has written songs and poetry for years. I love it when God uses something specific and unique to ‘who we are’ for the good of someone else. You are unique and you do have something special to offer. He will use you. Cool, eh?!

Sometimes, too, He comes right out of left-field and hits me with something new. I love that when that happens.

In the end, I think it all boils down to a ‘proximity effect’; something I wrote years ago when trying to hear God’s voice, God’s heart for someone, which has now become a catch-phrase in my life, or at least, a goal to aim for…

I was only standing close enough, that when I listened, she could hear Your voice…

So close to God, then when I was listening, the words I speak will be His voice. How amazing would that be, every day?!

2. What have you been personally hearing from God recently (or even have you)?

I’ll admit to not having spent enough time in recent months just chilling with God. Just listening… but there has been a bit of a theme to the things God has been teaching me through the books I’ve been reading or the life I’ve been living.

One of the main things at the moment is more about the mystery of God, of His ways. We can’t fully know or understand Him, or why things happen in life the way they do. But being content with that too.

The most significant change in my ‘image of God’ right now is highlighted in the love I am feeling for my new son. Joshua is 3 months old this week – and there is a love, automatic, in-built into me that I cannot explain. I haven’t generated it or learned it. It just ‘is’. I mean, I can understand the love I have for my wife; we learned to love each other, we ‘fell for’ the things in each other which brought us joy and, well, brought us together. It’s more tangible. But this… this love for Joshua is from some-place else. And it’s just there!

I think it is the image of God in me being made alive. God is love; ‘Love’ is what, who why, and how God is. And I am understanding more His love for me. But I’m not understanding it, too. The mystery. It’s deeper and more instinctive, more unknown, and yet, real. Understand? No? Exactly!

3. How do you think men and women differ in their relationship with God with regards to how they hear him?

Hehe, speaking of mysteries! The differences between men and woman are cavernous enough, so I’m sure the way we hear from God varies too.

The only thing I might add here (as I think I’ve already written enough) is that men might be more likely to apply the hearing-of-God to what they are to do, and women might be more likely to apply their hearing-of-God to how they are to relate?

There’s an interesting section of a book doing the rounds at the moment called ‘The Shack’; it uses various ‘characters’ to stretch our idea of who and what God is – and how he might vary the way he communicates with us for our benefit. I think that’s what I learned more than anything – the love He has for us as His children.

And as we are His children, He does want to speak to us, to relate with us, to be with us. That’s the wonder, the mystery, and the challenge too; He’s left much of that in our hands – and how much or how little we experience that is largely left up to us. Now that’s what I call amazing grace!