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In response to a question on Christian Writers-Group ‘The Writers View 2′:
What about your journey? Your expectations? Is the writing life what you thought it would be? What are the negatives and positives for you? How is the writing life what–or different than–you expected?
A question of a journey barely begun.
I may not have begun ‘the writing life’ but life has been preparing me as a writer. Life does that! God revels in it, I suspect… preparation.
A year or three ago when this long-lingering rumour of a writer began to gather some weight, I was all expectations and dreams, wishful thinking and wanna-be. Now, I realise, I need to just relax, and simply be me. The writer is in there, just beginning. The communicator has been developing for many years, and the poet is, of late, a little lost in the mix.
I’ve been writing poetry since I was 15 (give or take some silly cute verse a few years earlier; green frogs and girls, what a combination!) and that is a gift I can only be thankful of; one of those abilities that prompts the questions ‘how do you do it?’ and I simply shrug and say – ‘I don’t know, I just… write’. As a favourite songwriter sings – ‘When I was younger, I would write a bad song every day’ – and I’ve known many of those days, but I have enjoyed seeing the improvement in the craft over the years too. Sometimes, the words just appear on the page and you end up grinning and scratching your head, wondering where on earth they came from! (Of course, we all know where, or who, they’re from…)
As for ‘being a writer’ – What has become of my expectations of ministry, and non-fiction books, and sharing my thoughts and (dare I suggest?!) God-given revelations to the world? Well, as I said – I can simply be me. The paid career is still engineering, soils, data, bridges and tunnels, but my character and spirit are being shaped day by day; God knows my future. My expectations are relaxing, I am less concerned about what I ‘see happening’ and trying to stay aware that if I have faith in what I cannot see, I know I will be better off.
Right now I need to be a husband, a new father, a worship leader, a friend, and, unfortunately, an employee (as I also get to be a mortgage ‘owner’!) Yes, there will be work to be done to move into ‘the writing (teaching/ministering) life’, but as my family and I are about to move across the planet from England to our New Zealand home, I have enough to deal with right now. Perhaps over the next year, opportunity will present itself, but for now, all I can be is me. Take the chances God gives to share who He is and what He has done, perhaps through who I am, and what He has shown me… and simply be His.
He knows what He is doing.
Quoting Bono, again. This time it’s an article in The Times Online; it’s from an excerpt of a very shiny new book ‘U2 by U2‘ – the first official biography of the band – and I’m obviously very excited about getting my copy this week.
Your nature is a very hard thing to change; it takes time. One of the extraordinary transferences that happens in your spiritual life is not that your character flaws go away, but that they start to work for you. A negative becomes a positive. You’ve got a big mouth: you end up a singer. You’re insecure: you end up a performer who needs applause. I have heard of people set free from addiction after a single prayer. But it was not like that for me. For all that “I was lost, I am found”, it is probably more accurate to say, “I was really lost, I am a little less so at the moment.” And then a little less and a little less again. That to me is the spiritual life. The slow reworking and rebooting of a computer at regular intervals. It has slowly rebuilt me in a better image. It has taken years, though, and it is not over yet
It’s an intriguing fact that I’ve always had a ‘faith’ in this band, in that I feel they are living out a very real relationship with God while going about what they do ‘in the real world’. I’ve always loved the grit and passion, the loss and redemption – or at least, the hope of redemption.
And I just loved the metaphor of Bono’s spiritual journey.
I did a little net-search (like research, but more efficient) today as I wanted to confirm what ‘date’ Easter Monday was back in 1986. And thanks to this website I now have a new anniversary to remember:
31 March 2006 will mark the 20 year, yes, 20 year (!!) anniversary of my call. Otherwise known as the day I ‘became’ a Christian, it was certainly the day that the becoming began.
And it still goes on. Quite a trip it’s turned out to be too.
Ask me about it sometime, go on.
